The Truth of Tuesday Night

I promised that I would post on this blog each Tuesday after my weekly TOPS meeting and would post my results.

My results on the scale....

To see how I did over the week...

This is the part where I hope no one actually reads this blog...

I committed to posting actual numbers...

NUMBERS PEOPLE!!

As in...WHAT I WEIGHT!

I am now convinced it was my alter ego that posted that blog.

But here we go...truth time...

'Cause I said I would!

Last week I weighed in at 267.00 lbs.

Tonight I weighted in at 263.50 lbs.

WOO HOO!!!!

My efforts paid off with a loss of 3.50 lbs!

Awesome right!

I'm pretty darn proud and if I keep with it...I just might be successful after all.

Exercise - My Own Personal Hell!

EXERCISE!

To me, it’s like a 4-letter word!  Not that you could tell to look at me or anything.

I can’t seem to think of any one exercise that seems interesting or exciting to me.  I once thought I might like to try downhill skiing then someone mentioned you have to reveal your weight and that notion quickly went out the window.  Or I also thought I would like to try snowshoeing, but the reality, I don’t like winter!

For some unexplained reason though, I want to run!  Can you imagine?  Me?  A runner?  Don’t ask me where this idea has come from.  Perhaps it looks like the poster for good health.  This is not a new feeling for me…I mentioned it a couple years ago and my dad said… “how far are you going to run?  Are you going to call Brian to come and pick you up?  You know, when you get to the end of the driveway?”

My girlfriend told me she has just started running, using the couch to 5k program.  When she told me she was running, I asked her from what?  Because the only valid reason I could see for running was if you were being chased by a bear or a herd of moose, which is plausible, btw…she lives in the Yukon!  But truthfully, I am proud of her and her motivation to start.  

I did buy myself a treadmill in the spring.  I have not used it as much as I should really.  I have made a point of getting back on it this week since I dedicated to starting this new blog.  I am on it long enough to burn 100 calories, which is my starting point.

It feels great to be back on it.  Makes me feel strong.  I STILL DON’T LIKE IT!!!  It would still be easier to NOT get on…but who wants to read about that right?  For now, I am going to work on building up my stamina on the treadmill and perhaps I will venture into picking up the pace a bit more and “running”

It beats exercising outside, where I feel everyone is looking at me, jiggle away down the street. Plus, in my basement, I can watch TV, wear my pj’s without a bra and do it in 10 minute spurts if I want!

Until next time

Amy

My Food Addiction

That pretty much sums up how I feel about food.

I AM ADDICTED!

I crave it, I search for it and eat things I don't want or need to try and satisfy it.

The only problem with a food addiction is that you can't do without it!  You HAVE to eat!  Some days I wish I was addicted to cigarettes or booze....those I could avoid if I had to.  But with a family and myself to feed, I must face food everyday.

Now, some could say, well, just surround yourself with healthy food.  That would be a valid point and I am going to attempt to argue them ( and then prove to myself how silly my reasoning's sound)

1)  I have kids and a husband that can eat the "good stuff", why should I deprive them, just because I can't stay out?

- Well, I guess one could argue that they don't need it either and by not providing them with it, they learn healthier lifestyles.  But then, what would I bribe or reward them with?  Oh right...that just teaches them that food makes them feel good, so later on in life when they are sad or hurt, they grab the junk to ease the pain.  At this point, the treats will stay.  It makes my kids happy and come on, how can you turn away from a chocolate kiss!

2)  I don't like many fruits or vegetables, that was the way I was raised.

- While it's true that I wasn't asked to try difference foods when I was younger, I only ASSUME I don't like most of them.  I could write a list as long as my arm full of foods I don't like, but truthfully, there would probably only be a couple on there I have tried. Sure you say, you are an adult now... just try them.  Do you know how expensive food is now a days?  It would be so wasteful to buy all this new produce, try one bite and throw it all away.  I don't really know how to cook any of them, besides the obvious boiling.  Ok, then hide them in foods...mask the flavor.  That might be well and good if YOU were cooking for me, but as the cook, I still know they are in there and will automatically "taste" them and not enjoy my meal

So, there you have it.  Those are my 2 major excuses.

Trying to encourage myself to do better, I have resorted to posting signs to remind me:

Note on the fridge

Note inside the cupboard door

See, they mean business....they have my middle name on them...and you know how much trouble it is when your middle name is involved!

The days of the week I am home are the toughest for me.  At work, I pack things to eat and that is it! At home, I browse in the cupboard, grab something I don't need, like marshmallows or chocolate chips.

Today, I would say I ate less, but not necessarily better.  I am working up to eating better slowly.  That change will be hard, but if I can move a bit more and eat a little less, for now it should balance itself out.

Until next time,

Amy

A New Beginning?

Why start another blog you ask?

This blog has been some time in the making, or rather…a bit of jockeying back and forth of whether I should do it or not.

Did I really want to commit like this?

Finally, after a good discussion with one of my bestest friends, I decided to “Just Do It”

At first, I thought I would do this blog, but keep it secret or make it invite only.  Then after a bit of soul searching, I realized I was inspired to do this by others who have done the same thing.  What if making my blog “public” helped someone else with their weight struggle?  If it helps motivate even one person, that is a good thing.

My big reveal and number logging nights will start on Tuesday and be posted each consecutive Tuesday.  Why Tuesday you ask?  This is the night each week where I get on the scales.  But until then, I thought I would blog a bit of background.  Some of you already know it, but for those who don’t, read if you like.

When did my weight loss struggles start?

I have faced weight issues my ENTIRE life!    My mom says they started around the same time I started school, so age 5.  I don’t know myself any other way.  It’s not like some people who put on the weight as they got older or had children.  I don’t have skinny pictures to look at and remind me what I used to look like.  So, I find it hard to visualize myself in another skin.

My weight issues also mean I have been the butt end of jokes and bullying.  I hated school from day one.  Kids are cruel and my circle of friends was pretty small, limited to only the people who were accepting.  Please don’t take this as complaining or a cry for pity.  It’s not. Fact is, my past has made me the person I am today.  The few friends I have are true friends and I value those relationships dearly.  Besides, I doubt those other people are even aware of the way they behaved.  I run into a lot of them on a regular basis and am friendly with them.  I don’t hold it against them by any means.  They are the ones that missed out on being friends with a person who would drop everything to support a friend.

Not unlike anyone else, I have tried to lose weight countless times, trying countless ideas or plans.  Here is a little secret about me.  I am NOT motivated by much of anything really and am pretty fickle.  I get interested in something and go balls to the wall for about a week or two and then it gets boring or hard and I decide it’s just easier to quit.  Not a good combination really, but at least I can admit it.  If I have my choice, I would hole up at home, watching TV and eating cheesecake, never stepping outside except to get more cheesecake.  A girl can dream right?

I should also put this disclaimer in right now for those who don’t know me or know me well.  My sense of humor is sarcastic, take what you read here with a grain of salt.  I will make fun of myself and everyday life, but I am not doing it to be degrading to myself, it’s just the way I am...just like I’m fat!

So, why start this new blog?

Aside from perhaps motivating someone else, I need it to be accountable.  I joined TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) to help do that.  The program makes me get on a scale each Tuesday and being leader of our chapter ensures I continue to go.  But I am finding it not to be enough!  I need people checking up on me, commenting that I need to work a bit harder, walk a few more steps, eat a little less.  That is what I hope my readers will do for me.  Now, I also know it’s not fair to ask that of others.  I got myself into this, I should get myself out of it. If you decide to follow this new blog, please make sure you comment honestly.  Don’t be afraid of hurting my feelings…perhaps that is what I need.  I don’t figure I will link this one up to Facebook after each post, so keep checking back and tell your friends if you think they may find it interesting to read.

Well, that is a good start to my new blog I think.  I have a few days to post some more background stuff. 

Feel free to ask questions or if there is something you would like me to blog about, make it knows.

Until next time

Amy