Why?

Today is just one of those days!

One of those days where I feel failure surrounding me!

I don't know why...I don't know if it's because I haven't gotten into the groove I had hoped the New Year would bring.  That the treadmill keeps collecting dust, despite my good intentions.  Perhaps it's my worry that my stomach pain after eating is more than just eating too much or maybe, just maybe...I'm not as ready to do this as I thought?

Let me touch on these a bit.

I felt renewed when the calender flipped to 2013.  I was ready to get back to my meetings and the treadmill.  I decided that I was adult enough to lay off the junk and eat well.  I had visions of being one of those people that works out for hours and feels accomplished.

Instead, I told myself that it was a waste to through out those 5 chocolates, so I might as well just eat them.  I told myself that I would get back on the treadmill, but just lightly, because any movement was good.  Then I told myself I would get on the treadmill after I got my eating in line.

So far, I have yet to do real well with the eating and stepped on the treadmill for about 5 minutes.  My husband wants to sell it!

My other worry is my stomach pain.  It's been ongoing for quite some time.  At first, it was really only after I overate significantly or drank diet pepsi.  I have pretty much stopped drinking diet pepsi, except for the odd one and trust me, I typically suffer for it.  The pain is in my "first" stomach as I have so nicely named it...you know, the first roll under the boobs, but above the large stomach roll?!?  It is like when you have terrible cramps from diarrhea and the only thing that feels good is to lay down.  I can barely walk sometimes.  Christmas was when I finally had enough.  We had dinner at mom's and I honestly went with the intentions of overeating.  I love her turkey dinner.  I could barely stand straight about an hour later and just needed to go home.  The next day was our big family dinner and I told Brian that I was hardly going to eat anything, because I didn't want to feel like that again.  So I did well, I didn't snack on anything before dinner.  I had a couple slices of roast beef, a small serving of potatoes and salad and a yorkshire pudding.  Not only did I feel good for eating less, but it didn't hurt afterwards.   About 2 hours later, I had ONE piece of mom's homemade fudge and BAM...felt like crap.

So between that and a few other experiences since then, I think it's both the diet pepsi and sugar that bothers me.  I have a Dr'.s appointment on Wednesday to start the investigation process.  It's not within the realm of possibilities that I have some intestinal disorder.  I have a LONG family history of it, including my mother, who has Crohn's Disease.  It feels worst in the evening...just full and bloated and it doesn't help with my lack of desire to exercise.  I just want to sit because nothing hurts.

Funny how as I star to make myself better, I feel like I am falling apart?  Can you just imagine if I hadn't started?

Am I really ready to do this?  Yup!
Will I have days like this?  You betcha!
Will it all be worth it?  Without a doubt!

So, thank you for attending my pity party!  Here's to a good meeting tomorrow and the Dr's on Wednesday!