Children At Play

I wanted to share a little story from today.  For those of you on my personal Facebook, you have already read about it, but I also needed to vent my frustrations a little bit too.

I live in a small village of about 500 people.  It's a quaint little place and I feel very lucky to be raising my children here.  It's a place where I feel safe letting them walk to school, to a friend's house or outside playing without me needing to be there for every second of that time.

We built a new house attached to my parents house to be closer to them.  While located on a main road, we are situated beside a church that only sees people on Sundays.  My daughter, Abby (who is 5 1/2) thinks it's the perfect spot to ride her bike and I agree.  At our other house, there was no sidewalk, no paved shoulders to the roads and people who neglected to pay attention to the stop sign.  Her favorite thing though was to ride her scooter along the edge to the stop sign and back.  She would do this from 7:00 am until dark if we let her.

Now that we are have moved, she now likes to ride her bike along the shoulder of the road, which runs along my parent's front yard to the church drive way.  The driveway itself is a large circular driveway with so much space.  Having assessed the risks of being close to the main road, I still felt it was ok for her to do this unsupervised.  She is a smart one and knows to stay off the road itself.  She has been doing this alone for the past 3 days.  She basically rides down our driveway, along the side, around the church and back home.  It has been completely uneventful....until this morning.

My dad walked the kids to school this morning and on his way home, he was stopped by a police officer.  The officer explained that there had been a complaint called in about a child, around the age of 4, riding her bike on the road at 7:20 this morning.  Yup!   My child is 5 and has had the cops called on her.  My dad went in to see my mom and told her "Abby's in trouble this time...like REAL trouble!"

My mom called me at work to let me know.  I was stunned to say the least.  I wasn't upset about the person being concerned, but about their approach to it.  I am not a person that comes off as stand-offish or unapproachable.  It's a small neighbourhood and should I suspect one of my neighbours, I know which one is on the top of my list...if it was a stranger...well, I hope they at least waited to call until they were no longer behind the wheel of the car!

Here is the route in question:

I roughly measured it out tonight....approximately 55 feet across with about 4.5 feet of paved shoulder for her to ride on.  So, when I got home, I had to sit and explain to her that someone saw her, got concerned and the police came by to say someone saw her and were worried about her safety.  I also explained that instead of taking the side of the road, she would have to push her bike across the grass to the church.  Needless to say, tonight she did not want to play outside or ride her bike.

See, here is the trouble...I know people say it a lot....we need to go back to letting our kids play, but for people like me, who do that...there are others who don't agree and apparently feel the best way to deal with by calling authorities.

For now, I will keep an eye on her a bit closer and then once she gets comfortable again, I will let her be on her own.  She just loves to be out there, playing away with babies and her imagination!

What do you think?  Was I in the wrong or did this person act a bit to rash? Would you let your child ride this route?

 

Hitting The Refresh Button

It's been well over a month since I have sat down to write a little something on this blogspace.

If I'm being honest...I was on a slippery slope, going nowhere fast, letting life get the better of me.

I lost all interest in it all....in blogging, in TOPS, in attempting to get healthy.  It's a journey I have been on for so long, with so far to go and it was feeling overwhelming and pointless.  I felt that no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't getting anywhere, however if I took a moment to be truthful, I wasn't really trying either.  My days and weeks were full of excuses and time lines I really had no intention to sticking too.

"When most of the house is packed, I can get back to focusing"
"When we are in the new house, I can get back to TOPS"
"When we are in the new house, I am going to start myself of on the right foot and exercise"
"When I get myself back on track, I will go back to TOPS...I can't go back having gained this much"

It's been almost 2 months since I have been to TOPS....I am neither back on track or into a new routine.  It's been 3 weeks since we have been in the new house and I have not exercised once!

Enough was enough and I knew I needed to do something.  I felt like a fish out of water and really needed to take action to fix that.

I have a girlfriend that is a personal trainer and I took up the courage to message her and find out what she would charge for some sessions.  Feeling it was reasonable, I have committed myself to at least 5 sessions, but I foresee it being much longer.  I need that weekly accountability and someone to help me make a plan for the week.  Left to my own devices, I would still continue to wallow in self pity, promising that tomorrow was a new day and I would get my shit together.

She came today and we did a little consult to find out exactly what I was hoping to get out of this and then about 20 minutes of exercise.

I'm not new to exercise...I have joined a few gyms and have had a personal trainer before, but haven't done any of those exercises in about 4 years.  We did a bit of circuit work, some squats, planks, push ups, curls and other work.  She also had me use the TRX equipment.  It hangs over your door and once I was able to convince myself that I wouldn't rip the door from the frame, I was able to appreciate the equipment for what it was.

It was exactly what I needed...I needed to once again feel confident in my abilities and know that this is something I can do...that I am much more capable than I have convinced my mind of.

As for TOPS....I am back to it next week.  It's our yearly potluck and awards night.  It will be nice to see everyone again and be motivated by everyone's success.  While I may be heavier than when I was last there, I am ready to start fresh.  So bare with me as I get this blog going again, my inspiration calendar back up and going and my Facebook page.  I hope you will take a minute or two to encourage me on and moving!

The Truth Of Tuesday Night

 I am an intelligent person

I will control my emotions,

not let my emotions control me.

Every time I am tempted to use food to satisfy my frustrated desires, build up my ego or dull my senses,

I will remember - even though I overeat in private,

my excess poundage is there for all the world to see!

I skipped posting last week and if I was being completely honest...I was too embarrassed to!  Over the course of one week, I had gained 3 lbs!  I suspect that most of that was put on during our night away to see the new house.

The trip did make me realize something.....I have an unhealthy emotional attachment to food.  While I don't think that it's uncommon, I didn't every really attach that to myself.  But I came to realize it when we stopped at Tim Horton's for breakfast sandwiches.  I was anticipating it the whole 45 minute drive....we ordered and I got everyone's out.  When I got to mine, it was totally wrong and I honestly wanted to cry.  YES!  I was so disappointed over a bagel and egg sandwich that I wanted to tear up.  I shook some sense into myself and realized how foolish that was!

So, I went last week, armed with my homework we had from my program the previous week.

My week one challenge to change had me exercising everyday.  I did it!  Even if it was only 15 minutes, I got out and did something extra everyday.  It must have paid off a bit because I was down.

Last week: 260.00 lbs

This week: 258.50 lbs

Loss of 1.50 lbs

For this upcoming week, I have decided to stay within my calorie limit (1625 as per Lose It) and log every day.  I also intend to keep up the exercise.

I actually have a virtual 5 km tomorrow with my bestie, Julie!  Wish us fast feet and success! :-)

You take my hand, 

and I'll take yours,

and we'll start out today.

For a helping hand is what we need to help us on our way.

The way to goal is a lonely road, 

we need someone to care.

Reach out my friend and take my hand, 

and then we're almost there!

The Truth Of Tuesday Night

It's been a few weeks since I have gotten to this.  Life has been insanely busy and when I sit down for the night, I just want to relax on the computer for an hour before bed.

My weight hasn't changed much in the past couple of weeks.  Tonight I weighted in at 257.00 lbs, which I think is down about .50 lbs.

I was responsible for the program tonight and I did it on change.  The first thing I made everyone do was to stand up and move 4 seats to the right.  Each week we all tend to sit in about the same spot.  This had everyone at a totally different end of the table.  I've decided to include the program here for you to read through if you wish.  We all thought it was very good.

CHOOSING TO CHANGE

Change can be hard. We get so comfortable in our lives, in our daily routines, that when something comes along and shakes us up, we are actually startled by the change. Small changes are undoubtedly easier to handle. Think about all the changes you make every day without thinking. You change your shoes. You change your clothes. You change light bulbs when they burn out. You change the batteries in your smoke detectors and remote controls when they go bad. What are some other changes you make without thinking about them?

You change your hairstyle sometimes. There are days when you change your mind about what to have for dinner. Most women change their names when they marry. Life changes all the way around when couples have children. These are changes that, for the most part, we don’t really think about. Something needs doing, so we get it done. Why aren't we approaching our health the same way? Changing the way you approach weight loss and wellness can become as second-nature and logical as the changes you make every day. It takes practice, sure, but what doesn't? Did you know how to change a light bulb until you’d actually done it? Did you hate a new hairstyle and then have to change that change when your hair grew back?

Let’s talk about ways to implement changes in our lives. Let’s talk about changing our approach to change by discussing the habits and principles of successful people and organizations. Be proactive instead of reactive. When we are proactive, we are accountable and responsible for ourselves and our choices. When we are reactive, we blame others for problems in our lives. How does this affect our weight-loss and wellness journeys?

Once we accept responsibility for our health, we can then take action by choosing weight loss for wellness by incorporating into our daily lives a healthy balance of foods, regular exercise, and regular attendance at TOPS meetings. If we visualize our end result, essentially we’re setting a goal for ourselves. This can include smaller goals inside the bigger picture. If you have a large amount of weight to lose, try and picture stepping on the scale and weighing just 20 pounds less. Imagine the sense of accomplishment you’ll feel. Imagine how you’ll want to keep succeeding. Taking advantage of resources is another sign of success. How are you managing your time? Are you scheduling exercise like you would any other important appointment? There is no appointment more important than your health and wellness. Are you really using TOPS’ famous support to reach your goal? What are some ways our chapter is a great resource?

We are all here to bolster one another’s self-confidence when we feel unsure, when we doubt we have the strength to reach our goals. We are all here to cheer and applaud successes when we have them. If you aren't taking advantage of a KOPS as a mentor or supplying support if you are a KOPS, then you aren't using one of our most valuable resources. Another step toward changing the way we approach change is making sure we have all the information we need before moving forward. Do we feel comfortable with the exchange system so we can put it to use for our weight-loss efforts? If not, what can we do about that so we can utilize this tool? How can we apply these same principles to exercise?

Perhaps the strongest tool you can use for change is to change your mind. Stories about KOPS in TOPS News always stress the same theme: you must truly embrace the journey and all of its challenges; you must change your mind about the way you look at food and exercise to truly succeed. Once you make a commitment to change, tackling plateaus and other issues along the way gets a little easier. You make changes every day that are almost second nature. Let’s work on making changes that help us reach our weight-loss and wellness goals.

This activity is for you to take home and fill out. It’s designed to help you choose to change your approach to a goal of your choice each week for four weeks. Maybe you’ll choose to eliminate artificial sweeteners or maybe you’ll choose to get up 30 minutes earlier to take a brisk, 20-minute walk. The choice is yours. To help keep us all accountable, we’re going to track our goals for four weeks. I've entered all of our names on this chart and put the dates of our next four meetings across the top. Each of you will write your change for the next week and then, each week, we will come back together and briefly discuss whether or not we successfully made these changes. We’ll hand out fun awards at the end!

See activity below:

ACTIVITY: Choosing to Change 

Week One

 I commit to _________________________________ this week. 
Small changes I can make this week: 
• Take a new route to school, work or to our TOPS meeting.
 • Write an old-fashioned letter instead of sending an email.

 Week Two 

I commit to __________________________________this week. 
Small changes I can make this week: 
• Try a new, low-fat recipe in place of a family standard.
 • Sit in a different seat at our TOPS chapter meeting. 

Week Three 

I commit to ________________________________this week. 
Small changes I can make this week: 
• If you've never done it before, volunteer to lead a chapter program in the future.
 • Invite someone new to a TOPS chapter meeting. 

Week Four 

I commit to _________________________________this week. 
Small changes I can make this week:
 • Donate clothes you haven’t worn in a year to charity. 
• Try three new seasonings on your food this week.

 © 2008 by TOPS Club, Inc

I sent everyone with this activity sheet and assigned it as homework.  Next week I will have the chart ready where we will write our goals down for everyone to see and get our stickers if we succeed.  I challenge you to try it too!

The Truth Of Tuesday Night

 I am an intelligent person

I will control my emotions,

not let my emotions control me.

Every time I am tempted to use food to satisfy my frustrated desires, build up my ego or dull my senses,

I will remember - even though I overeat in private,

my excess poundage is there for all the world to see!

Hi everyone! I'm back reporting on my weigh in's.  I haven't been to a TOPS meeting since the last time I posted.  I have been busy in camp planning mode for my Brownie unit and those meetings have been on Tuesdays as well and then last week was cancelled due to weather.

I wasn't sure how I would do.  I know I had been WAY down due to some stress.  That stress caused me not to each much.  But the stress lifted and I went back to munching away.

I did manage to get it a few walks the past few days and perhaps that was my saving grace.  I did see a loss on the scale, but not as huge as it could have been for 3 weeks.

Last "week": - 255.50 lbs
This week: - 253.75 lbs

Loss of 1.25 lbs  (go me!)

I decided last night that it's time to step it up and make a concerted effort to change.  I say that so much and then flounder around.  Again that is what I have been doing, but I'm hoping the nice weather will be encouraging.

Here's hoping anyway.  If nothing else, I still have not given up on the battle!

You take my hand, 

and I'll take yours,

and we'll start out today.

For a helping hand is what we need to help us on our way.

The way to goal is a lonely road, 

we need someone to care.

Reach out my friend and take my hand, 

and then we're almost there!

Bullying Awareness

This is a post I have intended to write for a long time and never actually got around to it.

Last Wednesday was Bullying Awareness at the school for the kids. Everyone was encouraged to wear pink as a way to come together.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.....I have heard stories of kids getting picked on by NOT wearing pink and secondly, I'm not sure that this really does anything for Bullying Awareness.

Here is my point of view on bullying....and it comes from my own personal experience and of being a parent.  I should also note that my soap box is a bit high on this subject, but it's mine to shout from.

I whole-hardily believe there is no such thing as bad kids.....they are a result of bad parenting.  Does that actually mean I think their parents are bad?  No, but I think they have perhaps misguided them.  Did you know that I am a parent that will make their kids sit in a time out in the middle of Costco or apologize to strangers if they have done something impolite?  Case in point....during a family vacation to a hotel with a water park, Hayden was having a hard time keeping his excitement under control....he got spoken to by the life guard a couple of times.  We made him sit for a time out and then go apologize to the life guard.  On this same trip, Hayden cut in front of a toddler who's dad was waiting to go down the slide with him....I made him go and apologize to the parent for doing that.  Why did I bother you might ask?  Because it's polite.  It's not that his action was a big deal, but he needs to understand that even his small actions have consequences.  Another case, a boy in Hayden's class approached me after school and told me that Hayden called him a loser.  I asked Hayden about this when he got home and he was very upset and insistent that he didn't do it, that it was another boy blaming Hayden.  I phoned the boy's mom and let her know about the situation in case it came home.  I told her that Hayden was insistent that it wasn't him who said that, but if she found out different information that was convincing, then to let me know and Hayden would be calling to apologize.  I think the mom was a bit shocked that I phoned...I get the impression that things like that just don't happen much anymore, but in my house they will.  I feel you always have the opportunity to make it better if you act quick.

I am fortunate that I haven't had to deal with my kids coming home and being bullied...not yet at least.  I'm not sure how I would handle it either, to tell you the truth.  My parents were good at comforting me and talking about it, but not the type to march down to the school and demand change.  Mind you, that was also a different time.  While bullying itself has not changed,  the way kids are reached has.  At least when I was being picked on, it ended when I went home...there was no social media to follow me home (and I won't even get started on kids and social media access!)   Is it a lack of engaged parenting?  I don't know the answer to it.

Here are more of my thoughts on bullying.  I once answered questions about this topic for a parenting magazine and my thoughts were this.

Bullying has a lasting impact on the person that receives it.  The person that dishes it out forgets completely, I'm nearly 100% positive of that!  This whole article came out about the same time as the Columbine shooting and my first thought was....I get it!  I get how that child could not get past it.  While I don't agree with the level of violence, don't think I am condoning that, but I get the lasting impact they felt.  I still clearly remember so many events.

A snip-it of things I remember: In kindergarten, a boy opening and closing the bathroom door while I was in there and making fun of me.  Not wanting to go to Fun Day at school because they made you do things like crawl under chairs and benches and I knew I was too big to do that.  Going on a trip in high school and having kids throw candy at me on the bus...it was stuck in my hair and on my clothes and those same kids yelled at me to stop following them in the mall and told the kids I did meet up with to not let me walk with them.  Walking down the street in Toronto in college and a stranger walks by and says "excuse me, you have something on your chin"  when I wiped it, he laughed and said "no, your other one!"  I'm 36 years old and these events are at least 15 years old and I remember them pretty clearly.  But why do I think the bullies don't remember?   I think to them, it's just words, that don't have an impact.  I ran into a girl from high school at the hockey arena when I was dating my husband.  Keeping in mind that she had had too much to drink, she commented that someone just told her she was mean in high school, she then asked if she was mean to me in high school and for a minute, I just about gave the "no" response, but decided against it...realizing I owed her nothing and said "yes, you were actually".  She was MORTIFIED and very apologetic.  I suspect if I approached a number of other people, they would have the same response.

I am also not suggesting that I am blame free and I did some bullying myself.  Some I have made amends for and others that I am unable to.  I would if I could though.  I know I did it because I needed to feel that I was better than someone...anyone.

I could go on much longer about this, but I will leave you to think about this....hopefully this will give you something to think about.

A Note Of Thanks

Today's challenge on the Inspiration Calendar was to write a Thank You Note.

Once I thought about this a bit longer, I realized there were so many different places this could go, so here goes mine!

First off...Thank you to the people who read this blog.  It's through that I am encouraged to keep writing and have a space just for me.

Thank you to my family.  My parents have shown me unconditional love and support throughout the years.  Despite how much I frustrated them, angered them and disappointed them, they have still been by my side.

Thank you to my husband.  You were able to see past this plush exterior and get to know the woman inside.  Through that, we fell in love and created a wonderful little family of our own.  No matter my size, he loves me and encourages me to do the best I can.

Thank you to my kids.  You have shown me what my parents have always known.  Your children are unconditional love.  You show me youth and love.  Through your eyes, I can see the pureness in the heart of others.

Thank you to my friends.  While my cup might not overflow in numbers, the ones I have are true.  I don't keep in touch with some of them like I should have or want to, but thy are in my thoughts every day.  These people are my family.  I would drop everything to help them out.  They each add something to my life and also love me unconditionally and support me through my ups and downs and are not afraid to tell me how it is.

Thank you to the bullies in school.  From the day I started, I was picked on.  It wasn't easy and I hated school, but I had those few close friends that made it bearable.  To the bullies...you made me a better person, because it was through your uncaring and cruelty that made me love others and teach my children how to treat others.  Despite the fact that your actions and words are still as clear as day to me, I have matured and can now walk past you, smile and carry on a polite conversation....because that is the kind of person you turned me into.

As you can see, there is so much to be thankful for!  This path called my life was destined for me.  It's mine alone to travel and learn from.  I do my best to encourage others, love others and help others.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I would love to read your "Thank You" note!