Monday, June 24, 2013

I'm Overweight and my Husband's Not - Big Freaking Deal!

Last week I was reading a story that I pulled off of Yahoo.  It's my go-to sight for informative and not so informative news.  Sue me!

This story caught my attention, because basically, I am in the same situation.

My husband and I are the same height, but where I am a good 100lbs overweight, he is perhaps 20lbs overweight.

May 2005

So, here is our story and my confession.

I was always uncomfortable with my size, but not dedicated enough to change it.  I came home from my 2 year stint in the Yukon, determined that if I lost weight, I would finally be able to find a boyfriend.  I joined the gym and worked out.  I lost probably about 20 lbs by the time I met my husband.  It was NEVER an issue for him.  I gotta say, for the basket of crazy his parents are, they must have done something right for him not to be judgemental about my weight!  Once I found that one person who didn't care about my weight, I stopped going to the gym and just enjoyed myself.

How did I meet him you ask?  Well, I met him through an online dating site.  For me, it was the safest way to meet someone.  I am terribly shy in the beginning, but once you get to know me, I open up and as my one girlfriend states...HILARIOUS!!  So for me, this was the perfect segway.  I could meet someone, chat with them and get to know them before they met me.  I was always very open about the fact that I was plus sized.  It turned a few away, like the guy I had a date with...he told me to meet him at his house and then didn't answer the door when I got there.  He WAS home, btw! I heard the door lock just after I knocked!  It was all a learning curve and in the end, I found the right man for me.

It never occurred to me at the time that people might look at us together and wonder what he was doing with the "fat chick" and certainly no one said anything.  He loved me 100% for the person I was and still does.  He supports my actions, but doesn't care if I never loose the weight.  Sure, he may never carry me over the threshold, but that is about it.  He doesn't cringe at the sight of my naked body and our affairs in the bedroom do not suffer either.

Truthfully, I am more concerned that people meet me, hear I have kids and think they must be fat too!  My children are well within the normal healthy range.  Part of that is because I am uber-concerned and watchful that they do not go down the same path of struggles I did and because my husband is such an active person.

But here is where I make my confession and sound a bit like a hypocrite. 

In my quest to find my soul mate, I never pictured him as overweight.  Overweight men were not attractive to me.  Terrible huh?  I had dates with plus sized men, but there was no stirring of my loins, so to speak.  Perhaps it's just because I was meant to be with someone else.  Perhaps it was evolution and the quest to find the healthiest mate to continue on the species.

Here is also where perspective comes into place.  When a woman is overweight, is it more acceptable because females are the more nurturing of the species.  Media portrays the care-givers as plump and hug able.  Where as, the men are the 'hunter-gatherers' and need to keep in shape to perform such duties. I don't know the answer to that.  I do know though that I am now trying to be the best me I can be.  Eating better and exercising is the key.  Perhaps I won't lose a pound, but I am still healthier than the skinny chick that sits around all day doing nothing.

It is comforting to know that I have someone that loves me through "thick and thin"  (ha ha, see what I did there?) and that takes a lot of the pressure off.  In my weight loss group, there is one member who's late husband basically told her if she got fat, he would leave.  TERRIBLE!!!!!  (She is also the skinniest one in the group and in my opinion, doesn't need to lose weight at all)

I also often wonder if it would just be easier if everyone in my family was battling with weight issues and I could just "starve" us all together, but I don't think that is the answer either.  I also once said if I only had me to cook for, I would only eat healthy, which is a super lie, because when my husband was away on business for 10 days, I didn't cook and actually had ice cream for dinner a few nights!

So, how is your family dynamics set up?  Do you and your partner battle?  Just you?  How do you cope and manage it all.  Do you think I am the worst person ever for my admission?  If there is a size difference between you and your spouse, has anyone ever said anything to you or them?

Until next time,



  1. Oh I'm right there with you. I'm 100+ pounds overweight and my husband is fit. It used to bother me...honestly even when I was skinny I didn't feel like we "matched" (silly me!). It doesn't bother me now because he's so good at complimenting me, etc. I do wonder if other people think we're mismatched though.

  2. Hi. I am maybe not 100+ pounds off of the "perfect" me - more about a 60 or so, but I still feel bad comparing to DH. When he met me I was only around 10 punds he is pretty supportive, when it comes to my wieght right now... But I sometimes feel like the odd ball out there. Like the only one that cannot "fit" into his pants. I do not mind that as long he likes me.

  3. Great post, and thanks for being so open! :) I'm also fatter than my husband, but he is taller than me; somehow, in my mind, that "looks" better... however, I do believe that true love accepts us as we are and supports us in our goals. So my husband loves me as I am and is 100% supporting me in who I (that's the key word: "I") want to be.

  4. I just found your blog and wanted to comment. I was slim when I met my ex-husband but over the years as I gained weight he'd make snide comments making it clear that he didn't want a "fat girl". He became less and less attracted to me, which made me want to eat more so the fatter I got. That's partly why he's an ex.

  5. Great post! I know my other half has loved me through thick and think and I love him more for it!!! Its just proof that what's on the inside is what counts!

  6. This was a great post! Sounds like you got one of the good guys out there

  7. What an honest and open blog entry, thank you for sharing! Unfortunately, I do not have a partner in crime and I know that is all my fault. I am just coming to this realization... In the past, I would think, "Wow - I am funny and kind, why is no one with me?" and always soak it up to their loss. I would also judge others... "man, if so and so can get a boyfriend/fiance/husband, what is wrong with me?" which is such an ugly way of thinking. I would date, mostly people I've met online, and it would not go more than one or two dates... mostly because I seemed to attract people that just wanted sex or because once meeting, the guy would no longer be interested. I am a hypocrite, too, in not preferring overweight men. I also feel they need to be taller than me. I am almost 5'10 and I seek someone who can make me feel secure and for some reason, their height gives me that feeling. It is all so superficial...

    Now that I am recognizing changes I need to make within myself, I am okay being single and figuring this all out. It would be nice to have a partner for support and compliments, but I know I am strong enough to do it on my own and hope that they will come with time...

    My best friend is 5'10" and her husband is probably 5'5" and he is affectionate, loving, and complimentary all the time. I don't know why I can't get over the height thing, but for now - I will just focus on me and reap the rewards later :)